A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. “No,” replies the photon, “I’m travelling light.”
“Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”
When I heard that oxygen and magnesium had hooked up, it was like “OMg!”
A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks, “Excuse me, Professor. Does Boston stop at this train?”
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.
Two behaviourists meet in the street. One says to the other, “You’re fine. How am I?”
Why are quantum physicists terrible in bed? Because when they can find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position.
Why didn’t the quantum particle cross the road? It was already on both sides.
Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And it doesn’t.
A woman comes home to find her husband, who is a string theorist, in bed with another woman. “Wait, honey,” he exclaims, “I can explain everything.”
Why do Marx and Engels drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.