The Laugh Judgment

by Richard on August 30, 2005

In response to the British government’s planned law on Incitement to Racial and Religious Hatred, Ship of Fools launched a competition to find the most offensive and the funniest religious jokes. The winning jokes were apparently told at the Greenbelt Festival over the weekend. I don’t think there are that many religious jokes that I haven’t heard in one form or another and the winner (according to the Times report) was a bit disappointing because, although it’s funny, I’ve heard it on a few occasions. My favourite was one I hadn’t heard before. Apologies in advance to any who find this offensive. But it is funny.

JESUS came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death. Jesus said: “Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone.”

An old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The young lady collapsed dead.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: “Do you know, mother, sometimes you really p*** me off.”

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1

Malc 08.30.05 at 1:32 pm

I think that I’ve heard this one before, but it wasn’t so recently that I could see the punchline…… I thought it was funny!!!

2

DH 08.30.05 at 8:13 pm

Here is one it might be long: Moses, Jesus and an old Man were playing golf. Moses hit his drive in the water and the water parted with dry ground. Moses hit his second shot out of the dry pond, onto the green and tapped in for a birdie. Jesus hit His drive in the same water and the ball floated. Jesus then hit His second shot off the top of the water, onto the green and tapped in for His birdie. The old man hit His drive toward the same water. A fish then ate the ball, a bird then picked up the fish and flew toward the green. The bird then dropped the fish. The ball rolled out of the fishes mouth and into the hole for a hole-in-one. Moses then turned to Jesus and said “I hate when we play with Your Dad.”

3

Bene Diction 08.30.05 at 8:24 pm

DH: That is a good one!

4

Bene Diction 08.30.05 at 8:32 pm

A guy gets hit by a car and a crowd begins to gather.

A policeman shows up, bends over the poor fellow and hollers,

“Please, is there a minister or priest here? This man is dying, he needs a minister or priest right now!”

No one stepped forward.

He repeated his request with great urgency.

No one stepped forward.

Finally an older gentleman broke from the crowd and walked up to the officer.

“Sir, I’m 83 and I’m Jewish, and I’ve lived behind a Catholic church for 40 years. They’ve had their windows open, I don’t pretend to understand, but I’d like to help.”

The police officer looked at him with relief and helped him kneel beside the accident victim.

The 83 year old took the guys hand, looked up to heaven and intoned,

“B9…I32…O69.”

5

Richard 08.30.05 at 8:39 pm

*chortle* :)

6

Mark Byron 08.31.05 at 3:12 am

One Marian joke I remember would fit in here.

Michaelangelo was up working on the Sistine Chapel ceiling and saw a lady praying the Rosary on the ground floor. He gets out his best basso profundo voice and proclaims “I am your Lord and Savior. Repent of your sins!”

The lady replies. “Shaddup. I’m talking to ya mother.”

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