Someone rashly asked for some more sketches. How’s this?
GOD: Oi, Moses . . .
MOSES: [Startled] Who’s that?
GOD: Over here. In the bush. It’s me.
MOSES: And who, hotshot, is “me”?
GOD: I AM “me”. Yahweh’s the name. But you can call me God.
MOSES: You mean as in “the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob”?
GOD: That’s the one. And now I’m gonna be your God too. You see, Moses, I’ve been thinking, and I reckon it’s time you had a vocation.
MOSES: You’re telling me! Always looking over my shoulder after my “little problem” in Egypt - I’m all stressed out. And this shepherding - it’s better than being unemployed, but it’s hard work. And now with the new nipper keeping me and her indoors up all night . . . Yes, a holiday is just what I need. Got any place particular in mind? Rhodes? Tunisia? Majorca? . . .
GOD: [Trying to interrupt] Moses . . .
MOSES: Cyprus? Crete? The south of France? . . .
GOD: [Imperiously] Moses!!
MOSES: Sorry, God. But I’m so excited! I haven’t had a holiday in years.
GOD:: Moses, I didn’t say vacation, I said vocation.
MOSES: Vocation? [Aside] Uh-oh. Why do I get the feeling that I’m going to regret this conversation? [Trying to change the subject] Actually, God, you’re right. Who needs a vacation? Next year maybe. A weekend rock-climbing in Sinai, or at a Red Sea resort, that’s all the break I really need. But forget about me. How are things with you? Smite anyone interesting lately?
GOD: [Losing his patience] No time like the present! Now put a sock in it, Moses, and listen. I’ve got a job I want you to do for me. I want you to redeem my people.
MOSES: You mean “my people” as in “Israel”?
GOD: Got it in one!
MOSES: And you mean “redeem” as in “liberate”?
GOD:: Two out of two!
MOSES: And, like, from oppression, from Egypt, from Pharaoh with all his shock and awe?
MOSES: But . . . but . . . but . . .
GOD: With all those “buts”, Moses, you might as well be one of your goats!
MOSES: I might as well be, God. They’ll roast me on a spit if I return to Egypt. No, God, you’ve got the wrong man. I’m a nobody . . .
MOSES: And I won’t know what to say . . .
MOSES: And, anyway, they won’t listen to me . . .
GOD: Moses . . . ?
MOSES: Yes, God . . . ?
GOD: Haven’t you forgotten something?
MOSES: Like . . . ?
GOD: Like I am calling you. Like I am sending you. Like I will be with you.
MOSES: That, God, is just what I’m afraid of! No, I’m not gonna like this.
GOD: Who said anything about “like”? “Like” has got nothing to do with it. “Like” is for false, feelgood prophets. It’s a matter of obedience. Now to Egypt with you!
MOSES: [Pauses] Eh, God . . . ?
GOD: Yes, Moses . . . ?
MOSES: I don’t suppose I could go via Tenerife, could I?