Mayhem in Macedonia

by Kim on February 9, 2008

Timothy: Paul, you know how much I respect - and love - you, right? That you’re my father in God, not just my boss? And my best friend?

Paul: Sure, Tim, I know that. But it’s always nice to hear it.

Timothy: It’s just that I want to tell you something, and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way. I’ve got your best interests at heart, and the church’s too.

Paul: I know that too. Fire away.

Timothy: Well, some people say - not me, mind - that you’re too smart for your own good. Which is fine when you’re speaking with rabbis and philosophers, but in Imbecilius’ house? In fact, even he doesn’t understand you, and he’s got books by Stoics, so what hope for his wife and slaves? And the same goes for the rest of the congregation: most of the time they don’t know what you’re talking about. “Blah, blah, blah. Bleedin’ egghead!” That’s the first thing.

Paul: You mean there’s more?

Timothy: I’m afraid so. You’re always appealing to the scriptures. That’s fine for Jews - and of course Mum’s a Jew - but the Gentiles - like Dad - they think: “Jeez, give it a rest. You ought to be talking about Jesus - Isaiah’s been dead for hundreds of years. And what’s with the Hebrew?”

Paul: Is that it?

Timothy: I’m afraid not.

Paul: Holy golden cow! What else have I done?

Timothy: Controversy. Always the controversy. The cross, the law, glossolalia, freedom, marriage, meat, money - MAYHEM! You’re always pressing the hot-button issues. What’s a little circumcison between friends? Or a bit of indigestion at the agape? How can you be so naive? No wonder you’ve got so many enemies.

Paul: Yeah, it’s quite lonely sometimes being an apostle. Anything else?

Timothy: I’ve saved the worst for last.

Paul: Hate mail from Jimmy? Heckling from Pete?

Timothy: Worse: the Galatians have called for your resignation.

Paul: The Galatians! The ungrateful buggers.

Timothy: And I suspect the Philippians may follow.

Paul: Not the Philippians! They’re my first love in Greece.

Timothy: I know, and though I won’t say, “I told you so,” I’ve always said you can’t trust Europeans. So what are you going to do? You know no one will think the less of you if you go quietly. And I’m sure you’d get a professorship at Tarsus University - with tenure.

Paul: Tempting, but no. He wouldn’t let me even if I wanted to. As a matter of fact, he’s told me to write to the Romans, and if you think my preaching is dense and demanding, wait til you see this epistle: the commentaries are going to need commentaries. And for a laugh, he said, “Write it in Greek, not Latin.”

Timothy: Then you definitely ought to have a Plan B.

Paul: I do - Spain. But don’t get excited, Tim - I’m not talking the Costa del Sol. You’ll need a new pair of sandals - but lose the swimming trunks.

Timothy: Just one thing, Paul: please don’t talk to the media.

Paul: Moi?

Kim Fabricius

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }


Richard 02.09.08 at 8:36 pm

Ooh! Satire!


Paul Martin 02.09.08 at 9:47 pm

Now I have got share that with the Bible Study group! Thanks - it really made me smile. But it is also a reminder of the sadness of the current situation.


Bene D 02.10.08 at 2:30 am

I wrote a comment and made all of you an imaginary reporter for a day covering an imaginary quantum physics lecture.
The imaginary subject and your job had pretend wider implications than you could anticipate so I took you to, then what?
Hit the wrong button (refresh instead of spell check) and your imaginary assignment disappeared.
Just as well.:^)


Richard 02.10.08 at 8:07 am

Shame - it might have been an interesting assignment.


Jason Goroncy 02.10.08 at 11:18 am

Great stuff Kim.


Byron Smith 02.10.08 at 11:01 pm

you can’t trust Europeans
Ah Kim, you couldn’t resist, could you? :-)

This gave me a good chuckle.


Unlikely Conversation 02.11.08 at 1:53 am

This was fantastic.

Our Lenten Study is Galatians and the idea that Timothy might have had to keep Paul up to date on his and other’s doubts as he’s confronting Jim and Pete and the rest of the world seems so real and so funny. You add some real humanity to one very dense preacher/writer and explain why we need him even if he is so dense.

Thanks for sharing


bruce hamill 02.11.08 at 7:11 am



Macrina 02.12.08 at 7:49 am

That’s great, Kim! Perhaps you should send a copy to Rowan Williams - I’m sure he could do with some cheering up!

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