The mother, the son and holy toast

So reads the headline of this article I just came across browsing the net.

“A family’s breakfast turned into a religious experience when they spotted what they believe is the face of Jesus in a jar of Marmite. Claire Allen, 36, was the first to notice the image, on the underside of the lid, as she was putting the yeast spread on her son’s toast. And husband Gareth, 37, said he could not believe his eyes when she showed him.

“Mr. Allen, of Ystrad, Rhondda, south Wales, said: ‘Claire saw it first and called her dad to come and take a photo of it. When I first looked at it I wasn’t sure, but when I moved it away from me it started coming out. I thought Christ, yeah, she’s right - that’s the image of Jesus. The kids are still eating it, but we kept the lid.’

“Mrs. Allen said her 14-year-old son Jamie had also remarked on the likeness. She told the South Wales Echo: ‘Straight away Jamie said, “that looks like God,” and my other boys (Robbie, 4, and Tomas, 11) even said they could see a face. People might think I’m nuts, but I like to think it’s Jesus looking out for us. We’ve had a tough couple of months; my mum’s been really ill and it’s comforting to think that if he is there, he’s watching over us.’”

Right the first time, Claire: you’re all Cwm Rhondda nuts. Seeing the instantly recognisable face of our Lord on a pepperoni pizza, a spoonful of crunchy peanut butter, or the creamy head of a pint of Guinness - that makes sense - I’ve seen it myself (praise God!). But Marmite, that noxious sulphurous pitch from the devil’s pantry? Jesus isn’t looking out for the Allen family, in this black Mass he’s poisoning them. The Bishop should send around the diocesan exorcist.