A story for Advent: The Pretty Good Shepherd

by Kim on December 10, 2010

Once there was a shepherd. His sheep were mainly Corriedales, but there were also a few dozen of the finest Merinos in the flock. The shepherd looked after them. He was meticulous about their diet, and, with his prize-winning dogs, often took them great distances to graze on the most nutritious grasses in the finest pastures. He was also fastidious about their health, regularly ordering the latest vitamins and medicines from the Ovine Monthly, so they never suffered from worms or parasites, scrapie or foot rot. The sheep won many prizes at agricultural shows up and down the countryside for the blue-ribbon quality of their wool and milk. Yes, he was a good shepherd …

Of course, despite the shepherd’s solicitous attention, sheep being sheep, occasionally some of them would stray. And, of course, the shepherd would go looking for them. But, sheep being sheep, sometimes they would get themselves into almost irretrievable situations, deep in thorny thickets or out on jutting crags. And the shepherd would be very patient in his rescue operations. Up to a point. But when he reached that point, watch out! “Seek and find” became “Search and destroy!”

In short, the shepherd would get really pissed off and lose it altogether. “Fuck the buggers!” he would say. Sometimes the shepherd would simply abandon his sheep to the elements or the wolves. “It’s their own friggin’ fault,” he would say. If, however, the shepherd was feeling merciful, preferring their annihilation to their torment, he would pull out his rifle (he always carried an automatic weapon) and put a bullet right between their eyes. “Nice shot,” he would smile. And if he could, he would, of course, retrieve the carcases. “Why waste good chops?” he would say, picking his teeth between sips of Shiraz.

Yes, the shepherd was a good shepherd. Well, a pretty good shepherd. When he retired, he became a Methodist local preacher, and, during Advent, he was never short of an illustration.

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A Pretty Good Shepherd | LineaLanoie’s Weblog
12.10.10 at 1:02 pm

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1

Wood 12.10.10 at 11:45 am

Man, you’ve got balls, Kim. I am commenting here to say I laughed before the comments thread goes nuts.

2

Rachel 12.10.10 at 5:00 pm

Perhaps I’m missing something here - but I read this story as being unnecessarily provocative and rude. Not a good post.

3

Richard 12.11.10 at 9:09 am

I didn’t get this one either, Kim. Is it me?

4

Mary Tice 11.21.12 at 11:49 pm

I get the message and the truth of the profanity but I certainly can’t use it as written for my advent message. Getting real doesn’t necessarily mean getting rude.

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