The ten minutes are up, Lord.
And just as I expected, you didn’t turn up.
Or maybe it was I who didn’t turn up.
But I’ve got an excuse: I’m all over the place:
my soul is full of crap, my mind is profoundly trivial,
and how do I know what my heart desires?
But you’re divine – so what’s your excuse?
If you did show, you certainly didn’t say so.
And don’t tell me you were using your “still, small voice”.
No, you were shtum. Absolutely shtum.
Of course you may have had your reasons.
Maybe you didn’t speak, not to be rude,
or to get on my nerves, or to test my faith.
Maybe your silence was attentiveness.
Maybe you were just – listening
(something I’m not very good at).
If so, first let me say that I’m sorry about the earful I gave you –
oh, and the swearing – and the sarcasm –
but I did tell you I was feeling angry and bloody-minded.
So I’ll understand if you weren’t listening after all.
(I appreciate that even you, O All-Patient One,
must get fed up with the universal human whinge.)
Besides, I’m used to no one listening to me: after all, I’m married.
(I’m counting on your sense of humour here, Lord.)
Mind, I asked you to take care of some serious things,
the usual stuff, I know –
I guess you’d file it under “Intercessions”:
wars, poverty, oppression, sick and ageing friends and church members.
I even prayed for the swine I mentioned,
though in their case I never quite know what to pray for.
That they go on being swine? Certainly not.
But that they stop being swine?
Neither seems to work. You see what I mean?
But evidence to the contrary notwithstanding,
I know you care, I know you’re kind
(at least that’s what I keep telling myself);
and as for evil and suffering, let’s not go there:
I’m (still) depressed enough without doing theodicy.
On the “Praise” and “Thanksgiving” files,
at least credit me for not once calling you “awesome”
(God, you must be sick of being called “awesome”!),
and I really meant it about the “beauty of creation”,
and the “love of Jesus”, and “presence of the Spirit”
(well, I tried to mean it about the “presence of the Spirit”).
As for the “Confession” file, I thought I was admirably brief:
“Lord, I’m a shit” about covers it.
And on that one I take your silence as consent –
and your forgiveness for granted.
I think that about does it.
Besides, another ten minutes are up (give or take).
So another prayer-time, another waste of time.
But I repeat myself (sarcasm again - sorry).
Anyway, I had nothing better to do.
Is there anything better to do?